Anything strike you as odd about these scenarios?

  • You drop your wallet and someone asks, “Anyone missing their wallet?”
  • Before meeting you at a new job, colleagues ask, “Have you met them yet?”

Whether you prefer it or not, in some situations your pronouns are they/them.

And in many other situations, being genderless is quite preferable to me.

As a woman, my tech savviness has been questioned in the past. I wouldn’t mind being referred to as “they” in professional settings. If I ever find myself needing to apply for a job, I might use a first initial.

I think our world is moving toward they/them as a default.

I mean, sometimes it’s hard to tell and why embarrass yourself by using the wrong pronouns for someone?

Sometimes you might think you know someone’s gender identity by how they express their gender (e.g. wearing a dress) – but you might be wrong.

So, isn’t they/them seem the best option?

Let’s take a step back.

Diagram of Sex and Gender. Biological sex is on a scale from male, intersex, and female. Gender identity is on a scale of man, non-binary, and woman. Gender expression goes from masculine to feminine. Finally, sexual orientation goes from attracted to women, to bisexual, to attracted to men.

At the time I’m writing this, dear child… the world is quibbling over semantics.

People are trying to define woman and man like it matters.

The big issues on one side are:

  • Gender reassignment and HRT is unnatural and difficult to reverse.
    • Children are being pressured to question their gender which leads them toward taking these measures.

The big issues on the other side are:

  • People should have autonomy over their identity and body.
    • Children are committing suicide and self harm when they are pressured into gender conformity.

Neither side is wrong, but one side has the ability to put measures in place to limit concerning outcomes – and the other side is unable to stop the progress toward a more diverse, free, and loving world.

There are also some very personal issues at play that don’t get discussed:

  • Some worry that being attracted to a beautiful trans person will force them to question their own sexual preferences.
  • Some are jealous they never felt free to express themselves.
  • Trauma related to these issues, usually from families and religion.

The heart of the issue is a deep shame which turns outward as anger.

And it’s getting violent.

Laws are being created to control our bodies, identities, and expressions.

The norms that have held men and women apart for millenia are changing. It was only 100 years ago that women really started wearing pants. In recent decades, the internet has given us genderless usernames.

On a personal level, and I know this is true for many women:

  • I don’t consider myself very feminine.
  • I am very independent and ambitious.
  • I have a healthy masculine and feminine side.
  • I’m a supporter of trans rights.

I’ve been considering changing my preferred pronouns for all these reasons, and now I think it’s time to just do it.

I wonder what it will open up for me when I do.